Yesterday I was having a lazy morning, until one of my best friends invited me on an adventure down to New Haven to run an errand. New Haven is about an hour away from my house, and I haven't been down there in a year and a half (the last time I was there was to pick Carrie up at the train station for Christmas 2011).
We happened to be on a side street, when we saw people staring and pointing at an upper level of a nearby parking garage. Suddenly there were emergency vehicles everywhere, and a body on the ground.
I later found out that the young woman who fell, or jumped, died of her injuries. One of the articles can be found here.
I have so many questions today, processing what I saw and what happened.
Why did she jump? Did she know how selfish the act was? Did she think about all of the innocent bystanders she was involving in her decision to take her own life? Why didn't she seek out help? If she had sought help, why hadn't it worked? Why did she have to take her own life in such a public, violent way?
Did she suffer? I hope and pray that she didn't suffer. What about the first responders? What about the people who saw her crumpled body on the ground? How long will our suffering endure?
Why was I there to bear witness to this violent act? Is there a purpose in my witness? Or is it just happenstance?
With my degree in psychology, I know a few things about suicide. I know that men are more likely to successfully suicide. I know that men are more likely to suicide in violent ways, like jumping from a building. Joanna, the woman who jumped yesterday, was twenty-four years old. She obviously didn't get the memo that women are statistically speaking significantly less likely to 1. violently suicide and 2. successfully suicide. She succeeded. But why? Was she out of options? Did she feel abandoned and alone? Did she not have insurance to cover the costs of the mental healthcare she desperately needed? Did she have bills to pay and no employment? Could she not bear the weight of being a twenty-something in 2013?
Am I lucky that this is the first instance in which I have seen someone fall from a height and meet their end on the pavement below? Am I lucky that I live in a place where bodies aren't constantly strewn in the streets? Where suicide is a rare occasion, and not a viable option.
Joanna, I am so sorry you felt that there was no other option. I wish I could have known you, spoken to you, told you how much you matter. I wish you knew that the world is a scary place, but that it is also beautiful and worthwhile. I wish the economy didn't suck. I wish you felt like there was hope for you in this world. I wish all of the people who ever hurt you had not hurt you. I wish someone held you tight and told you that you matter more than anything in the world. I wish that if you health was a concern that you were well, and healthy, and not in any pain. It is my fervent hope and belief that you are out of pain, and in the eternal comfort and safety of God, who heals all ill and comforts all broken hearts. May those who witnessed your final act find peace, may they find healing in laying their burdens at the foot of the cross that bears the weight of the world, including your own, Joanna. Be at peace, Joanna. I am so sorry.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Love Without Fear
Rachel:
If you participate in social media in any capacity, you have probably noticed an outpouring of emotions surrounding same-sex marriage over the past several days. Yesterday and today, the Supreme Court of the United States heard testimony regarding California's Proposition 8 Amendment, which banned same-sex marriage in that state, and the Defense of Marriage Act which effects the federal government's ability to recognize same-sex relationships. Carrie is much more legally savvy than I, and having not studied Prop 8 or DOMA I have relatively little to say about either except that for me, personally, they directly impact my relationship, which directly impacts me.
There is just something about being a part of a couple, and having laws which tell you that your relationship is illegitimate that breaks your heart. And these forces try to break your spirit, try to will you into silence and complacency. Try to force you back into the closet.
The closet is a place of death, it's where the human spirit goes to die. I know I am not interested in being in that place ever again, and I am not interested in hiding my relationship away in that closet. Carrie and I share everything, we share a home, vehicles, income, food, our free time, our lives, our love. We are sharing this adventure together, just like an opposite-sex couple would. The only difference between our relationship, and an opposite-sex couple's relationship, is that our relationship is not recognized federally or in the majority of US states.
But this post was not intended to be a comparing of relationships.
What I have noticed on facebook, twitter, tumblr, news articles, etc. is that while people who are opposed to same-sex marriage often use "choice" as the foundation for their arguments against equality, people who support same-sex marriage often do the same. Very little irritates me more than being told that I have made a choice in my sexuality. Sure, I chose Carrie as my lifelong partner, although it didn't feel like much of a choice. The first time I saw her I knew I was going to marry her, and it was basically a done deal from that point.
But when supporters of equal rights claim that being LGBT is a "choice," it is especially irritating to me. "I support your choice," or "I won't judge you for your choice." When did I make a choice? I wasn't straight one day and then all of a sudden decided it would be a good time to become a gay. I don't know anyone who chose to be heterosexual; similarly I don't know anyone who has elected to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, asexual, intersex, or anything under the queer umbrella.
Choice language hurts the cause because it implies that if you "chose" one lifestyle, you can "choose" another. "Maybe there is hope for the queers to be normal, after all!"
The only hope available to any of us is the hope that we can live and work together in peace and love, with justice for all people. Why force people to choose heterosexuality? Why force people into unhappy relationships? Why force people to believe that there is something wrong with them based on love alone?
That is fundamentally turning love into a poison. In theological terms, it is much like the law. You must perform these tasks, or abide by these rules, and then God will not punish you. Jesus Christ, the Word made Flesh, fulfilled the law by his life, death, and resurrection, and on account of his sacrifice we are forgiven. We can love without fear because Jesus first loved us.
I choose to live my life in such a way that, while I do not deserve God's grace, I have been given this gift and I am going to shout it from the rooftops. I am going to share this good news with everyone I know. I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself, but I am freed by Jesus Christ and I am made new. I am a new creation because of the choice of God's only Son.
Love is not a poison or a weapon. It is a free gift. It is not a choice, either on the part of the gift-giver or gift-receiver. Love is mandatory. Everything you do should be done in love, and everything that isn't done in love is a choice you have made.
Thank God for love. I thank God for my amazing fiancee all the time, because without her I wouldn't understand love as well as I do. I thank God that I can love without fear, because I am wonderfully made, and God loves me just the way I am. I will never choose the opposite of love, but will continue to work in the ways of love as long as there is work to be done.
If you participate in social media in any capacity, you have probably noticed an outpouring of emotions surrounding same-sex marriage over the past several days. Yesterday and today, the Supreme Court of the United States heard testimony regarding California's Proposition 8 Amendment, which banned same-sex marriage in that state, and the Defense of Marriage Act which effects the federal government's ability to recognize same-sex relationships. Carrie is much more legally savvy than I, and having not studied Prop 8 or DOMA I have relatively little to say about either except that for me, personally, they directly impact my relationship, which directly impacts me.
There is just something about being a part of a couple, and having laws which tell you that your relationship is illegitimate that breaks your heart. And these forces try to break your spirit, try to will you into silence and complacency. Try to force you back into the closet.
The closet is a place of death, it's where the human spirit goes to die. I know I am not interested in being in that place ever again, and I am not interested in hiding my relationship away in that closet. Carrie and I share everything, we share a home, vehicles, income, food, our free time, our lives, our love. We are sharing this adventure together, just like an opposite-sex couple would. The only difference between our relationship, and an opposite-sex couple's relationship, is that our relationship is not recognized federally or in the majority of US states.
But this post was not intended to be a comparing of relationships.
What I have noticed on facebook, twitter, tumblr, news articles, etc. is that while people who are opposed to same-sex marriage often use "choice" as the foundation for their arguments against equality, people who support same-sex marriage often do the same. Very little irritates me more than being told that I have made a choice in my sexuality. Sure, I chose Carrie as my lifelong partner, although it didn't feel like much of a choice. The first time I saw her I knew I was going to marry her, and it was basically a done deal from that point.
But when supporters of equal rights claim that being LGBT is a "choice," it is especially irritating to me. "I support your choice," or "I won't judge you for your choice." When did I make a choice? I wasn't straight one day and then all of a sudden decided it would be a good time to become a gay. I don't know anyone who chose to be heterosexual; similarly I don't know anyone who has elected to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, asexual, intersex, or anything under the queer umbrella.
Choice language hurts the cause because it implies that if you "chose" one lifestyle, you can "choose" another. "Maybe there is hope for the queers to be normal, after all!"
The only hope available to any of us is the hope that we can live and work together in peace and love, with justice for all people. Why force people to choose heterosexuality? Why force people into unhappy relationships? Why force people to believe that there is something wrong with them based on love alone?
That is fundamentally turning love into a poison. In theological terms, it is much like the law. You must perform these tasks, or abide by these rules, and then God will not punish you. Jesus Christ, the Word made Flesh, fulfilled the law by his life, death, and resurrection, and on account of his sacrifice we are forgiven. We can love without fear because Jesus first loved us.
I choose to live my life in such a way that, while I do not deserve God's grace, I have been given this gift and I am going to shout it from the rooftops. I am going to share this good news with everyone I know. I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself, but I am freed by Jesus Christ and I am made new. I am a new creation because of the choice of God's only Son.
Love is not a poison or a weapon. It is a free gift. It is not a choice, either on the part of the gift-giver or gift-receiver. Love is mandatory. Everything you do should be done in love, and everything that isn't done in love is a choice you have made.
Thank God for love. I thank God for my amazing fiancee all the time, because without her I wouldn't understand love as well as I do. I thank God that I can love without fear, because I am wonderfully made, and God loves me just the way I am. I will never choose the opposite of love, but will continue to work in the ways of love as long as there is work to be done.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Welcome to Our Adventure!
Hello!
Allow us to introduce ourselves! We are Carrie and Rachel, two twenty-somethings living in Philadelphia. Collectively, we are a lesbian couple engaged to be married this coming June with lots of other exciting thigns on the horizon. Individually we are simply Carrie and Rachel. We'll start with Carrie.
Hi! I'm Carrie. My fiancee Rachel and I are going to be sharing our many adventures on this new blog! I had lived in central Pennsylvania all my life until I met Rachel in Philadelphia, while she was in her first year of seminary and I was in my last year of college. I moved with her to Connecticut over the summer of 2012. Currently, we are in Philadelphia living at Rachel's seminary. While living here I manage a specialty olive oil and balsamic vinegar store in Chestnut Hill, definitely not what I went to college intending to do but it's a pretty awesome gig, who doesn't like to talk about food all day? Other than working in retail I'm preparing to go back to school to get a masters degree in International Relations or Economics. The past year and a half has been one heck of an adventure all by itself, and I suppose that's where Rachel comes in...
I guess I am the reason Carrie lives at a seminary. I am an ELCA Lutheran seminarian in candidacy for ordained ministry. You could say the journey to this point began long before my baptism at the age of fifteen, but that's a story for another day. I am originally from Connecticut, and I'm very much a New Englander. I went to college in the Boston area, with a brief study-abroad trip to western Europe. I majored in English and Psychology and fully planned on getting my PhD in English literature until I realized that I am called to ministry. Some people probably think it's weird that a lesbian would be in seminary, and maybe it is, but that too is a story for another day.
We have lots of adventures and exciting times around the bend. We are getting married on June 29th, 2013 in Connecticut, and then at the beginning of August 2013 we are moving to Reno, Nevada where I will be serving as the intern at a congregation. In the mean time, we love to read about policy, domestic and international issues, theology, and even some fiction too. We also do a bit of local traveling, we are big time foodies who love trying new things, and while Carrie is a bit of an olive oil snob, Rachel is a wine snob. We will be sure to share some of our favorite recipes here with you!
This blog will primarily be words, though Rachel is a novice photographer and loves taking pictures. We'll write about what's going on in our lives as a lesbian couple in a still very paternalistic society and church. We will also blog about our adventures around Philadelphia and New England, what books we are reading and why you should (or shouldn't!) read them, what shows or movies we are watching, how we feel about political issues, and everything under the sun. We hope you stick around for our journey, and we are honored to share it with you.
Peace,
- Carrie and Rachel
Allow us to introduce ourselves! We are Carrie and Rachel, two twenty-somethings living in Philadelphia. Collectively, we are a lesbian couple engaged to be married this coming June with lots of other exciting thigns on the horizon. Individually we are simply Carrie and Rachel. We'll start with Carrie.
Hi! I'm Carrie. My fiancee Rachel and I are going to be sharing our many adventures on this new blog! I had lived in central Pennsylvania all my life until I met Rachel in Philadelphia, while she was in her first year of seminary and I was in my last year of college. I moved with her to Connecticut over the summer of 2012. Currently, we are in Philadelphia living at Rachel's seminary. While living here I manage a specialty olive oil and balsamic vinegar store in Chestnut Hill, definitely not what I went to college intending to do but it's a pretty awesome gig, who doesn't like to talk about food all day? Other than working in retail I'm preparing to go back to school to get a masters degree in International Relations or Economics. The past year and a half has been one heck of an adventure all by itself, and I suppose that's where Rachel comes in...
I guess I am the reason Carrie lives at a seminary. I am an ELCA Lutheran seminarian in candidacy for ordained ministry. You could say the journey to this point began long before my baptism at the age of fifteen, but that's a story for another day. I am originally from Connecticut, and I'm very much a New Englander. I went to college in the Boston area, with a brief study-abroad trip to western Europe. I majored in English and Psychology and fully planned on getting my PhD in English literature until I realized that I am called to ministry. Some people probably think it's weird that a lesbian would be in seminary, and maybe it is, but that too is a story for another day.
We have lots of adventures and exciting times around the bend. We are getting married on June 29th, 2013 in Connecticut, and then at the beginning of August 2013 we are moving to Reno, Nevada where I will be serving as the intern at a congregation. In the mean time, we love to read about policy, domestic and international issues, theology, and even some fiction too. We also do a bit of local traveling, we are big time foodies who love trying new things, and while Carrie is a bit of an olive oil snob, Rachel is a wine snob. We will be sure to share some of our favorite recipes here with you!
This blog will primarily be words, though Rachel is a novice photographer and loves taking pictures. We'll write about what's going on in our lives as a lesbian couple in a still very paternalistic society and church. We will also blog about our adventures around Philadelphia and New England, what books we are reading and why you should (or shouldn't!) read them, what shows or movies we are watching, how we feel about political issues, and everything under the sun. We hope you stick around for our journey, and we are honored to share it with you.
Peace,
- Carrie and Rachel
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