Love Without Fear

Rachel:

If you participate in social media in any capacity, you have probably noticed an outpouring of emotions surrounding same-sex marriage over the past several days. Yesterday and today, the Supreme Court of the United States heard testimony regarding California's Proposition 8 Amendment, which banned same-sex marriage in that state, and the Defense of Marriage Act which effects the federal government's ability to recognize same-sex relationships. Carrie is much more legally savvy than I, and having not studied Prop 8 or DOMA I have relatively little to say about either except that for me, personally, they directly impact my relationship, which directly impacts me.

There is just something about being a part of a couple, and having laws which tell you that your relationship is illegitimate that breaks your heart. And these forces try to break your spirit, try to will you into silence and complacency. Try to force you back into the closet.

The closet is a place of death, it's where the human spirit goes to die. I know I am not interested in being in that place ever again, and I am not interested in hiding my relationship away in that closet. Carrie and I share everything, we share a home, vehicles, income, food, our free time, our lives, our love. We are sharing this adventure together, just like an opposite-sex couple would. The only difference between our relationship, and an opposite-sex couple's relationship, is that our relationship is not recognized federally or in the majority of US states.

But this post was not intended to be a comparing of relationships.

What I have noticed on facebook, twitter, tumblr, news articles, etc. is that while people who are opposed to same-sex marriage often use "choice" as the foundation for their arguments against equality, people who support same-sex marriage often do the same. Very little irritates me more than being told that I have made a choice in my sexuality. Sure, I chose Carrie as my lifelong partner, although it didn't feel like much of a choice. The first time I saw her I knew I was going to marry her, and it was basically a done deal from that point.

But when supporters of equal rights claim that being LGBT is a "choice," it is especially irritating to me. "I support your choice," or "I won't judge you for your choice." When did I make a choice? I wasn't straight one day and then all of a sudden decided it would be a good time to become a gay. I don't know anyone who chose to be heterosexual; similarly I don't know anyone who has elected to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, asexual, intersex, or anything under the queer umbrella.

Choice language hurts the cause because it implies that if you "chose" one lifestyle, you can "choose" another. "Maybe there is hope for the queers to be normal, after all!"

The only hope available to any of us is the hope that we can live and work together in peace and love, with justice for all people. Why force people to choose heterosexuality? Why force people into unhappy relationships? Why force people to believe that there is something wrong with them based on love alone?

That is fundamentally turning love into a poison. In theological terms, it is much like the law. You must perform these tasks, or abide by these rules, and then God will not punish you. Jesus Christ, the Word made Flesh, fulfilled the law by his life, death, and resurrection, and on account of his sacrifice we are forgiven. We can love without fear because Jesus first loved us.

I choose to live my life in such a way that, while I do not deserve God's grace, I have been given this gift and I am going to shout it from the rooftops. I am going to share this good news with everyone I know. I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself, but I am freed by Jesus Christ and I am made new. I am a new creation because of the choice of God's only Son.

Love is not a poison or a weapon. It is a free gift. It is not a choice, either on the part of the gift-giver or gift-receiver. Love is mandatory. Everything you do should be done in love, and everything that isn't done in love is a choice you have made.

Thank God for love. I thank God for my amazing fiancee all the time, because without her I wouldn't understand love as well as I do. I thank God that I can love without fear, because I am wonderfully made, and God loves me just the way I am. I will never choose the opposite of love, but will continue to work in the ways of love as long as there is work to be done.